Remembering To Fly
by rwr.burn.die
Summary: There was a reason Dean hated flying on planes. It was unnatural. Flying via angel air was only slightly better. It just felt strange, like a tingly feeling under his skin.


**Remembering To Fly.**

**Summary:**** There was a reason Dean hated flying on planes. It was unnatural. Flying via angel air was only slightly better. It just felt strange, like a tingly feeling under his skin. **

**I own nothing. Nihil.**

**-x-x-**

For as long as he could remember, Dean had always hated flying. It wasn't quite a fear of flight, he just didn't like flying. He wasn't quite sure as to why, since he wasn't afraid of heights or being trapped in a tin can. To him, it had always felt wrong, it felt unnatural.

He remembers the first time he went on a plane. It was when his mother was still alive but before Sammy was born. They had gone on a holiday but had needed to take a plane there— driving to Disneyland was something his parents had not wanted to do. But he remembers the flight to and from there. The entire time, his body felt tingly, it was uncomfortable and caused him to squirm in his seat. The squirming and fidgeting got so bad that he got close to throwing the mother of all tantrums. His parents got frustrated with him and couldn't wait for the flight to be over each time.

He may not remember much of the holiday, but he distinctly remembers that tingling. That uncomfortable tingling under his skin that wouldn't go away.

-x-

They were on some downtime, recuperating from a previous hunt when Cas came and told them. Just because the apocalypse was here didn't mean they couldn't take time off to heal from their injuries.

"Sam. Dean."

"Hey, Cas."

"I believe I may require your assistance." Both brothers looked at each other, they didn't know whether this was good or not.

"Sure, Cas. Lemme just grab a quick shower and me and Sammy are all yours," he said.

He grabbed some clothes and a towel and headed towards the bathroom. 10 minutes later, he came out of the bathroom feeling refreshed and mostly ready for whatever Cas needed him for. All he needed now was coffee.

"Alright, Cas, whaddya need?"

"Actually, Dean, I believe I should show you two instead" and the angel reached for both their foreheads.

"Wait, wha–!"

-x-

He was sixteen and they were on a hunt. Some spirit was pushing people of a bridge and making it seem like a string of suicides. It was late at night when they stumbled on the hunt by complete accident. They were moving once again and Sam was asleep in the back and his dad was crashed out in the passenger seat. It was his turn to drive for a while. They had just driven on the bridge with no one else around when he saw it and it's soon to be latest victim. Dean didn't even hesitant to stop the car and jump after the boy that had been targeted.

He remembers he didn't even think about what would happen when he reached the bottom; somehow he knew that everything would be okay. He remembers grabbing onto the boy and the sensation of free falling.

Free falling felt much different from flying in a plane. Different, but only slightly better. He still felt unnatural, like he was supposed to do something but couldn't.

He doesn't remember much about the fall. He doesn't even remember much about hitting the surface of the water or having to drag the boy and swim to shore. All he remembers is passing out after he reached land.

When he woke up, he was in the hospital. His dad was pretty pissed at him and gave him a lecture of a lifetime, calling him an 'idiot' and 'what the hell were you thinking' and 'I swear if you even think about doing something as stupid as that again…' as well as various other threats of an ass kicking. John Winchester awoke that night because of the Impala's abrupt halt, he had woken up just in time to watch his eldest son jump off the bridge. It scared the ever-living shit out of him to see his son jump. The entire lecture lasted several hours and then some. By then, Sam had come into the room and joined his dad in his 'are you stupid? I'll kick your ass next time' lecture.

After the lecture though, he found out the kid he saved was okay and alive and very thankful for saving his life. He saw his dad give him a small proud smile and a quiet "I'm proud of you son."

They got the ghost a week later.

But he still remembered the tingling during the fall.

-x-

"Dammit Cas!"

"My apologies."

"What did I tell you about angel air and not warning us?"

He was busy complaining that he didn't even notice where they were or that Sam hadn't said a word yet.

"Dean, shut up." his little brother said.

"Pfft fine, still he could've at least warned us, Sammy. Now, where the hell did you take us Cas, and why?" All he noticed from his surroundings was that they were in a small clearing.

-x-

When he was eight, their dad dropped them off at Pastor Jim's while he went hunting a kelpie with Uncle Bobby in a town nearby. It was during break so he didn't have to go school. He spent a lot of time playing at the farm with Sammy or with the animals. But break also meant that half the time he was bored, and a bored Dean Winchester was a dangerous Dean Winchester.

After the eighth explosion he caused on the farm, Pastor Jim decided that they should do something for fun. He remembers that Pastor Jim took him for a ride on a helicopter to look at the area from the sky. He noticed that Dean kept staring at the sky or the birds and thought it was a great idea.

It wasn't.

Much like the plane flight several years before, he spent much of the flight squirming. The same tingly feeling from before was back, and worse then it was when he was younger. It felt like his skin was itching from underneath and it would not go away. It was if his body was missing something.

Thirty minutes into the supposed one-hour flight, he couldn't deal with it anymore, the tingling got so band that he started to scratch himself in an attempt to find what was causing it. Pastor Jim didn't notice until a couple minutes later, by then he had managed to unknowingly scratch himself till he was bleeding. There was blood one his hands and all over himself but the feeling was still there.

"Dean? Dean! Stop it!" the pastor was worried.

But he couldn't stop. The tingling wouldn't go away. It was uncomfortable and he needed it gone. He needed to stop scratching but if he kept it up then maybe he get hat feeling to go away and maybe it would stop and…and...and…

He remembers panicking and hyperventilating. He remembers freaking out and Pastor Jim's voice telling the pilot to land or go back. But that's all he remembers.

He woke up in his bed at Pastor Jim's, with Sammy's worried face above him. Thankfully Sammy hadn't seen any that because he was with one of the Pastor's old lady parishioners.

His dad and Bobby came back three days later. Pastor Jim never mentioned the incident.

He forgot about the tingling soon after.

-x-

They were in a clearing. Castiel had angel-aired them to a clearing. Why the hell had Cas angel-aired them to a clearing?

"Cas? Why are we her–"

"Dean, look." Sam was looking in the middle of the clearing. There, in the middle, was another tree. It was just a tree, big deal.

"Dude, it's a tree, big deal! Why are we here Cas?"

"Dean, look closely." Sam said, somewhat exasperated with his older brother.

It was a tree like he said before. For some reason it reminded him of Anna's Grace tree. It looked old, older than the other trees surrounding it and was filled with life. There was no dead branches or half rotten roots, just green with lots of extras growing on it. On second thought it was probably a Grace tree again.

"Who's Grace is it?" he asked.

Castiel looked troubled. That worried both Winchesters, if there was another fallen angel around with a missing grace tree, surely Castiel could find out whose it was by the trapped Grace alone.

"I do not know." The angel replied back hesitantly.

Sam, who had been fairly quiet, finally spoke, "What! How can you not know? You're an angel, shouldn't you be able to sense this or something? You seemed to find Anna's Grace just fine!" he yelled in a typical Winchester reaction.

"I do not know because whoever has fallen has put in sigils and wards on the surrounding area." The angel motioned on the clearing they were in. "Whoever fell didn't want to be found out."

-x-

When he was a child and especially after his mother's death, he remembers looking up at the sky and wishing he could be a cloud. He used to always wonder what it would be like to be to float around in the sky without the need for a plane. Sometimes he liked to wonder what life was like as bird and not a cloud. To be high up and be able to fly, and not just drift, without the need of a tin can. It wasn't always a cloud or a bird, sometimes he would watch butterflies and moths and wonder the same thing.

But then he would he remember the tingly feeling and he would think it over and drop the thought straight after.

After a while he would forget about thoughts of flying and floating. But then the thoughts would slowly trickle back into his mind before the next time he found spare time and a quiet place to just stare at the sky. He didn't notice the tiniest tingle whenever he would stare at the sky or the thought of flight.

By the time he was eighteen, it was normal for him. He didn't notice that sometimes he was subconsciously staring at the sky anymore. No one even cared or noticed when he would just look up.

-x-

While the other two were busying themselves arguing, Dean stepped closer to the giant tree. He had never touched a Grace tree before— considering he'd only ever known and seen about one and it was Anna's— but it was on the list of things he wanted to do. Strange, but it was true. He was Dean Winchester; he was a hands-on kind of guy. When they were at Anna's tree, he had the sudden urge to just touch it, with this tree he had the same urge but there was no ex-angel watching him either.

Somehow while the two were arguing, he ended up in front of the tree, poking it. It didn't feel any different; it just felt like a normal tree. He was expecting something bigger he guessed.

Instead of interrupting the argument like he knew he should, he continued poking the tree. Every time he poked, he felt something unfamiliar. It was if the tree was happy every time he did that.

"Dean?" He was so focused on poking that Sam's voice jolted him out of his reverie, making him jump. "Dean, what were you doing?"

He turned around and leaned on the tree to face his brother and the angel, he scowled, "Nothing. I was just poking the tree." The look on both their faces clearly meant they thought he was an idiot. "What? I was bored!" he said defensively.

"Okay so what are we gonna do about this missing angel." His brother asked.

"Simple. Find out who it is and ask them to join as in stopping the apocalypse. If they fell, then they must like Earth." He answered back.

All three men just stared at each other before the angel lifted his hands to their foreheads.

-x-

He remembers once during his childhood, he climbed a tree. It was when he still wasn't talking and all communication he made was through facial expressions and sign language. They were staying at Bobby's while Bobby, Dad and Pastor Jim talked over a hunt. Sammy was sleeping like most one year olds did, and he was bored.

He was too awake to sleep so he took a walk in Bobby's yard, exploring the place. The adults understood his need to explore so he was allowed in the yard as long as he didn't leave the property or touch a stack of cars that were just mostly rust.

He remembers looking up like he usually did and seeing a birds nest. He climbed the tree and sat on a branch were he could watch the nest. He remembers being jealous at the baby birds for having a mother and their ability to fly.

He sat there for who knows how long before hearing his father's calls for dinner, his father couldn't find him. He threw sticks as close to his dad as he could and waited for his father to look up. He was very high up and he couldn't remember how he had climbed so high, he needed his dad's help.

It took his dad a couple of minutes to direct him to the nearest and safest way down before he reached a safe height where his dad got him. He was a dirty mess afterwards.

He remembers after dinner and a few days after, he felt itchy all over.

-x-

He'd been having weird dreams for a while now. They still had no luck on the unknown fallen angel and everybody was frustrated.

His didn't dream of Hell and the Pit and of Alastair as much, they were there but his dreamscape was being taken over by weird dreams. His dreams seemed like a violent array of light and sound. Sometimes he heard metal against metal or very faint screaming. It was like a lightshow gone wrong.

It wasn't the only dream he had.

Sometimes it was just bright array of moving colours. He would feel something encase him and then there would be singing in the background and hushed voices speaking in a language he could not understand. It was nice, it felt warm. It made him feel protected.

His dreams were weird.

-x-

When he was twelve, they went on a camping trip. No hunting for werewolves, or wendigos or any other creature of the night. Just a normal camping trip with their father trying to teach them camping skills.

They had chosen a clearing to set camp because it was a safe distance away from the cliff but also because it had the perfect view of the sunset and the sunrise.

Somehow, even on a normal camping trip with family, one with minimal danger involved, they still ended up fighting for their lives. In a part of the national park that was supposed to be free of predators, somehow a bear managed to stumble into their camp and proceeded to attack them.

The bear managed to run him over the cliff. He remembers panicking and free falling until his hand latched on a ledge. He can recall his father's voice as he retrieved rope and started his rescue.

But mostly remembers watching the sunset while hanging onto a ledge. There was a feint tingling but mostly a happy buzz.

He figured it was just adrenaline.

-x-

Sometimes, when he was awake, he would space out. When he came back from wherever he went, sometimes he just forgot things but remembered others. At first it was just happened every now and then but now it was occurring more and more frequently.

He can tell both Sam and Castiel are worried. They keep trying to be subtle but Sam keeps glancing at him like he's about to fall over any moment, and Cas? Cas just stands there looking at him, knowing that there is something wrong.

The dreams were still there and just as strange as ever. The lightshow he experienced every night was ever changing. One night it's all violent lights then the next it was calm and peaceful. Sometimes it felt like a weird acid trip.

They still hadn't found the owner of the mysterious Grace tree.

-x-

As he got older, he found a bunch of high places he liked hanging around. High places that were quiet, he liked to think in those sorts of places.

Sometimes his dad rented an apartment or a place in a town with large buildings. He loved it when that happened because there was always a rooftop he could sneak off to. Many nights, he would sneak off to the rooftops and just think. Sometimes he even liked looking down at the very edge of the building.

He remembers once, either before Sam left or just after, standing at the edge of a building, out of nowhere his father showed up right behind him. He looked was breathing loud and he looked tired, but mostly he looked terrified.

He'd seen his father face demons and monsters at least twice as strong. He's seen him face down werewolves and ghosts. He's seen the man face down creatures that would drive most men insane but he's never seen the man look so terrified.

He leaned even closer to the edge without meaning to. The closer he got, the more tingling he felt. That itching that went down to his bones.

"Dean? Dean, get away from the edge." His father coaxed him away carefully.

When he got far enough, his father just hugged him. He hugged him tightly, as if anything less and his son would slip away. He doesn't remember how they got back to their room, but he remembers being hugged straight away, his father sobbing begging him not to do it, that it gets better.

When he looks back on it, he could understand what had his father so scared, what it might've looked like to him.

He also remembers the tingling. It wasn't as bad this time.

-x-

They were on a hunt, the search for mysterious fallen angel on hold. It was another push-happy ghost they were dealing with, a ghost of a jealous businessman who had tried to push his fellow employee and rival over the edge the building for a promotion, only to accidently fall himself. Now said ghost was pushing anyone off who went to the rooftop of the building, they didn't know where he was buried yet but there was going to be another victim tonight.

Dean felt the muscles in his legs burning. He was investigating with Sam and Castiel when he had overheard an employee say that they were going to go up top for a break. At first he thought nothing of it until his inner instincts screamed at him. Next thing he knew he was running up the stairs because there were no elevators to the rooftop, with Sam and Castiel right behind him.

"Dean! Where are you going?" he heard Sam ask.

He kept quiet and just kept running. He cursed the flight of stairs.

He burst onto the roof just as the psycho ghost smiled at him and pushed the man overboard and disappeared. With little to no thought, he jumped after the man, managing to grab hold of him as the both fell and turned just enough to see the look on Sam's and Cas' faces.

It was sunset again. It would've been a beautiful sight if he hadn't been falling.

He felt all tingly again. It was worse this time. Much worse then any other time he's felt it. It felt like his skin was ripping and his entire being was being reshaped.

He may have or have not screamed.

Then everything went black.

When he was awake again, he was on the ground. The man he grabbed and fell with was still alive. He was still alive. They had ended up in an alley next the building. But they were both alive. They fell from a twenty-story building and they were still alive.

Alive. Both of them. Him. Alive.

Next thing he knew, Sam and Castiel appeared before him via Cas' angel air. Both took one look at him and gasped. Sam looked terrified and Castiel confused. He was just as confused as the other two.

"Guys?" he whispered

"Dean…" his brother breathed, looking beyond his form.

Castiel also had his eyes beyond. He followed their line of sight over his shoulder and what he saw blew his mind.

Behind him there were three pairs of semi translucent wings, just like Castiel's when he had first shown them. Except for the one pair Castiel had shown, he had three and they were not black. They were nearly gold in colour, getting darker at the edges. Throughout his wings, he had bits of colour scattered about, some green, the tiniest hint of blue and even some silver.

He was terrified.

"Guys?" What was he, who was he? And all these other questions popped in his head, "W-what's going on? H-how?" he stuttered

Both Sam and Castiel looked in awe.

"Dean…" he brother whispered

"Michael…" The angel looked on reverently.

-x-

When he was a kid and up until adulthood, Dean hated flying. It always made him feel tingly. It was one of the most uncomfortable sensations he felt. It caused others around him grief and it used to drive him crazy every time.

After his mother died, he stopped taking for a while felt and took to watching the sky. He got a strange sensation whenever he looked at the sky or was high up. He developed jealousy over birds for their freedom, a longing to see his mother in the clouds.

All his life, his hated flying via any means. Flight via plane was comparable to riding a tin can viable to failure at any time. Angel Air left him feeling sick and dizzy and maybe slight jealousy. Not to mention the tingling.

Now he knows why.

Thirty years ago an Archangel, Michael, disappeared. A meteor was seen in the sky over the United States and a tree began to grow in a hidden clearing, guarded by wards and sigils.

Nine months later, a child was born.

His name was Dean Winchester.

**End.**

**-x-x-**


End file.
